I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
