Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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