Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
