Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
