kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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