He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
