I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
