he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
