he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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