Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
