my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
