he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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