My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
