so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize