i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
