i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
