East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
