I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
