Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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