"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
