Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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