bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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