forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
