that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize