I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
