so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
