im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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