I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Drunk is not a location!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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