You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
