She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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