This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
