these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
