I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize