so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
