it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
