did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
