The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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