Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
