i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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