just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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