Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
