Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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