This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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