I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
