also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
