You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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