I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
