the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
