just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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