Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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