he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
