maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
