so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
