"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
