Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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