Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
