hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
