You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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