It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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