What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
