You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
