I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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