He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
