we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
