Nicole vs. Life
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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