i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
