i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
