my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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