He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
