Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
