I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
