for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
