Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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