i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
