I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
